The Stein Family

Merry Christmas! As always, it’s been forever since I’ve updated this blog, but I got a brand new desk for my laptop for Christmas, so it’s a lot easier to sit and type now.

Let’s see…what have we been up to since I last updated in August…

Jackson started his second year of preschool. He’s in the four year old class, three days a week this year. He likes it okay. He’s not overly-thrilled about school like he was last year though. Some days he just comes up to me and says “Mommy, I don’t like school”. It makes my heart hurt a little. I’m not sure if it’s the teacher, the different classmates, the more expected independence, or just the age. I know he has fun some days, but others he just comes home grumpy and sometimes even injured. One day last week he came home with a goose egg on his forehead, but no explanation as to what happened. Another day he came home with a banged up knee, which he said was from someone pushing him down the stairs. It kind of angers me a bit that he’s getting hurt at school, and nobody tells me or sends a note home. Maybe the teachers don’t notice? Maybe I should just not let it bother me, because it doesn’t seem to bother him? I don’t know. I’ve always been very happy with the school and love the things that it offers that other local ones don’t (car drop-off and pick-up is heavenly!), but maybe we might consider somewhere different when it’s time for Eva to start.

I have to say though, Jackson is at a really good age right now. He’s four and a half and his behavior on most days is very good. So much different than age 2, 3, and the beginning few months of 4! He understands right from wrong, he listens (for the most part), and he does well with time-outs as a discipline method. He has chores now, like taking out the trash cans on trash day and bringing them back in, cleaning the windows, setting the table, and stuff like that. For now, he just does them and enjoys it. No need for a reward chart, allowance, or anything like that. He hasn’t quite made the connection that we’re actually making him work

He’s still really into vacuums, of course. He’s got a newfound interest in everything police though. He’s got his little policeman dress-up outfit, so he likes to go around writing tickets and handcuffing people. He’s always threatening to take us to jail. Just the other day, he gave his sister a fat, bloody lip after he threw her on the ground trying to handcuff her. Apparently, she was resisting arrest pretty good to deserve that kind of police brutality. He loves playing restaurant too, especially McDonald’s. I’ve been trying to convince him to be sushi man at a sushi restaurant, but he’s not buying into that idea.

Eva is doing well, and growing up so fast. I cannot fathom that she will be two next week! She is really starting to verbalize well and stringing longer and longer sentences together. She is still very much our baby though, and I guess we spoil her a bit, knowing she is our last baby. Just like a baby, she is a horrible sleeper. Naps are hit or miss. Bedtime is a nightmare. And just recently she climbed over her crib side and fell out and hurt herself. Looks like a “big girl bed” is in our near future, as much as I’d like to avoid it.

She’s still a tiny girl, just about 21 pounds at almost age 2. That’s okay. We know she’s healthy, and it makes it easier on my back to carry her around. Her hair is getting super-long, at least in the back. Our kids sure know how to rock the mullet look. She’s getting into girly stuff like dress-up and make-up and jewelry. She loves looking at my “a-yings” on my ears and pointing to hers. Maybe in a few years when she’s old enough to take care of them herself, she can get her own “a-yings” for her ears. Her latest obsession is “choo choo tains”. She’s actually sleeping with her new Thomas right now.

Adam and I have actually been doing really well too. We just celebrated our 8th wedding anniversary on the 20th. It is always fun to look back on the pictures and videos from that day and tease each other about how young and skinny we were. We’ve had our share of tough times, but this last half of 2011 has been really nice. No arguing, letting the small stuff slide, and really feeling like we’ve reconnected in many ways. I guess I can’t speak for him, but I’ve been pretty happy

We always have our financial struggles (who doesn’t anymore?), but we’re getting by. I still live in fear that I might eventually have to return to work before I’m ready, but now that our photography business is picking up, I push back that fear with each session we book. We did our first wedding in September and I think the pictures came out amazingly well for a first attempt. We have another wedding in May, and already a few other sessions booked in the new year. I know as the weather warms up towards spring, we’re going to be quite busy. It’s good though – it’s something we enjoy working on together so much!

My headband business is steady. I did two craft shows this past fall, and did reasonably well at both. Of course, I invested a lot into them (displays, vendor fee, supplies, etc.), so I was happy to at least break even, and I did, and then some. It was good. And fun. There’s nothing more satisfying than having little girls actually get so excited when they see the product you’ve worked so hard on, that they buy them and put them on right away. I’m still unsure what direction I want to take overall with Miss Evaline. There are days that I feel like I can continue for years, and then there are days that I just want to pack it in and call it done. I guess a lot will depend on how successful this photography thing ends up being in the new year. As much as I try to take on, some things have to give. I mean, between photography, headbands, websites, and being a calendar organizer for playgroup, I definitely feel something will have to end in 2012.

I guess one of the most life-changing events of this past year for us has been that we’ve stopped attending church. We have been going to that church since we’ve been kids. We met in person at that church. We got married at that church. Both of our kids were baptized at that church. So, it’s been a painful decision to have to stop attending. We both have just felt so angry at situations there, and some of the hypocrites that attend there. I’m sure that’s something you’ll find at any church, but when people do petty things that involve us personally, it’s hard to continue to feel comfortable in a place of worship with them. So, we’ve stopped going. And honestly, I don’t miss it. I miss it for my kids, but for me personally, I feel happier now than I did when I went there. To sit somewhere for an hour in a room full of people that don’t really share my opinions, and knowing that some of them pretty much hate you for it, it was just a waste of time.

Will we go back? I don’t know. Am I still a Christian? I don’t know. There’s been a lot that’s gone on this year that I’ve questioned that sometimes. I guess I’ve just been very angry at God lately for some of the stuff that not even me personally has had to deal with, but people who I know and love have had to suffer through. I still have faith. I still pray. But I feel like defining my feelings in a lump-sum with who and what most “Christians” stand for…I guess I would say that’s not who I am anymore. I personally believe everyone has the freedom to believe in whatever they want, and I don’t believe in pushing those beliefs on anyone else, or judging them for it. I’ve actually been doing some research on the Unitarian church, which is just up the road from us. I’d love to try it out, but I’m a bit intimidated to step into a new place of worship for the first time. When you’ve grown up in one place for so long, it’s hard to start something new. So for now, I’ll try to just define my life as living for peace and happiness and kindness towards others, while I try to sort out my feelings in the meantime. And I’m pretty sure Adam would say the same thing. That’s why I love him so much

2011 has been quite a year of sadness for us though. My granddaddy passed away in March. Regretfully, I still have avoided my true feelings about that and haven’t grieved fully yet. I guess that’s part of being a procrastinator. I know what I need to do to grieve. I just haven’t done it yet. I need a nice, warm day all by myself to do what I want to do, and then I think I can move forward and be at peace with him being gone.

Just this month, one of our dear friends from church passed away. Jane was one of our Sunday school teachers (along with her husband, Dick) for our young adult class, and a neighbor of my parents, being just up the street from them. We always, always had a special place in our hearts for the Carson family, even though we’ve lost touch in the last few years. We watched their kids grow up before our eyes (can’t believe they’re both in college now!), even babysitting them before. Dick & Jane were absolute inspirations for us. Jane, especially was always one of the most kind, caring, compassionate person that we knew. I’ll never forget at my baby shower for Jackson, how thoughtful she was to sit next to my Nan-Nan the whole time. Nan-Nan has Alzheimer’s and is not the easiest person to be around. She repeats the same story over and over and over and over again, and Jane just sat there and took it all with a smile on her face. I remember vividly how excited Jane was when we announced we were pregnant with number two. I’m pretty sure she was the first one ever to rub my belly for that pregnancy (even though I insisted I was just fat, it wasn’t a pregnancy belly yet at only a few weeks along!). One of the funniest memories though was when she told us she had taken her son out to buy girl’s jeans because that was the style…and that he had told her they were “like a cheap hotel – no ball room”. Her laugh after telling us that line, will forever be etched into my memory. We attended her funeral last week, and it was devastating to see her family there without her joyous presence. I hope and pray that they will be okay. I know they’re strong and I know that they fully believe she is in a better place, which brings them comfort.

Anyways…it’s late. And I’m crying. And I need to go to bed. It’s officially after midnight, so it’s Christmas Eve! Lots to do today – photo shoot with a client in the morning, baking cookies in the afternoon, and yes, we’re going to go to Christmas Eve service at church in the evening. I love Christmas too much to let my feelings get in the way during this time of the year.

I hope everyone has a very blessed and very merry Christmas and a happy New Year!